My favourite examples of turns of phrase in the Ciaphas Cain series:

“’Deader than Horus,’ she confirmed.”

“All right, calling Jurgen a bit untidy was rather like saying Abaddon the Despoiler gets a bit cranky in the morning, but I knew adopting a casual attitude would be the surest way to get under Beije’s skin.”

“Beije, I was amused to note, was staring at it as though it were Horus himself risen from the dead.“

“In my experience troublemakers tended to gravitate into them like sump rats down a waste pipe, where they were Horus’ own job to winkle out again.”

“Stuck on the top of a thin spire of rock as we were, we had precious little room for manoeuvre, and if it looked as if we were about to be overrun our only option would be to run for the shuttles and Horus take the hindmost.”

“Pelton’s group had almost made it back to the shuttle, double-timing it as though Horus himself was after them, little puffs of grey dust being kicked up by their hurrying feet, and their weapons at the ready.”

“At the time, we had no reason to believe that Abaddon’s latest rampage would have any more of an impact on the Eastern Arm than the previous ones had, which amounted to little more than vague rumours and unsubstantiated battle reports trickling down the astropathic network long after the dust had settled.”

“Abaddon was finished after the Gothic War, everyone knows that. He wouldn’t dare show his face in the Emperor’s realm again.” I’d faced the servants of the Great Enemy more often than I cared to contemplate, and in my experience it was never wise to underestimate them. Particularly a ten thousand year old madman, who’d been marinating himself in the raw stuff of Chaos for most of that time.”

“And maybe the Traitor Legions would come to their senses, renounce the Ruinous Powers, and return to the light of the Emperor, which seemed almost equally likely.”

“‘That would mean overriding the blessed safety protocols,’ Dysen protested, his expression resembling an ecclesiarch who’d just overheard someone suggesting that perhaps Horus had been a bit misunderstood.”

“‘And if wishing made it so, Horus would be the Emperor,’ I concluded, falling back on one of the platitudes from my childhood which censorious adults used to use to manage over-inflated expectations, though inflecting it as a joke, in case it was taken for a genuine rebuke.”

“I glanced at Rakel, hoping for some clue as to their intentions, as her precognitive flashes had saved my life on more than one occasion – but she was simply muttering to herself as usual, staring at Jurgen as though he were Horus incarnate, and keeping as far away from him as possible.”

Choose Your Enemies, containing everything I look for a in Ciaphas Cain novel:

  • While trying to avoid danger, Cain stumbles over something even more nefarious than the threats they were aware of
  • Jurgen provides tea and offers to use his melta in a variety of inappropriate situations
  • Amberley is extremely pedantic about clarifying things that don’t matter and/or are really obvious from context
  • Sulla writes purple prose (while actually being one of the best military commanders around, annoyingly)
  • All the plot threads come together in time for the climatic conclusion, because it’s not a deus ex machina if you foreshadow it

soniampride:

khaosgurl:

“You always did accept your fate,’ he says. ‘But I never could. I thought that was why He made me the way He did. Now I just think we were all tainted, and I don’t know anything anymore.”

Chris, please stop making me like Russ.

I have had a pleasant experience loving Magnus and Thousand Sons and am not sure how to love you too.

Russ is such a good boy. Give him the love he deserves.

In the words of Princess Tutu, “May those who accept their fate be granted happiness. May those who defy their fate be granted glory.”

birdechoes:

immanueldid:

ask-tribune-ra:

hdreaper:

starcunning:

doomhamster:

anecdotesandelderthings:

frenzied-fangirl:

vinegarfairy:

ooksaidthelibrarian:

kleenexwoman:

sheisstrangerthanfiction:

gold-from-straw:

xx-thedarklord-xx:

hundredyearspublishing:

The worse the explanation, the better.

One idiot is a rude mess and the other idiot loves them anyway

boy goes from friendzone to wingman and fails at being grim reaper

Two genius fuck up teenage boys (one 16, one 18) meet when the 16 year old shows up at the other’s California tech college to show off the robot he won a prize at MIT for, and they wind up making out and possibly more. 

Awkward steampunk lesbians have so much sex, you guysssss

Angry Disaster Man tries to get is life together with help of Occasionally Berserker Friend

Fix it fic fixes nothing and in fact makes some shit worse.

Magic shows up but is A Big Disappoint. Angry Ace and Bubbly Bisexual save the world anyway. 

Dead girl accidentally becomes a mom

Middle-aged man finds out he’s been wrong about everything ever, reacts about as well as you’d expect.

Depression isn’t a superpower, but she’s absolutely determined to make it one.

Just because your mum’s an alien doesn’t me you can skip school

Time to go burn half the world down cause my imaginary friend said I wasn’t cool

Immortal Priest gives entire realm an exorcism it didn’t ask for, one bat at a time.

Bad boy breaks myth cycles because the gods were having too much fun.

Orks chase a UFO, and throw rocks at it.

Don Quixote: Age of Sigmar Edition.

Orpheus’ lesbian sidekick hooks up with Ereshkigal, making the party’s badly thought out invasion of the underworld much more successful than it deserves to be

“I wonder…”

occultdetectives:

askrobouteguilliman40k:

“If he is still around.”

OK, we have a LOT to unpack here. Fimor Dour is a surly career climbing mustachioed marine that has been brushed under the carpet of modern 40K. 

He’s in charge of keeping the Ultramarines fortress-monastary up and running. 

He’s a BUSINESS-MAN (I’m Guessing More A Corporate Raider And Hostile Takeover Specialist) 

He’s in charge of Ultramarines SLAVE-RELATIONS! Check out Samuel Dexter for more Ultra slavery hijinx! 

The younger marines forget he’s a tough fighter, but that’s because the old man is 45 years old – what a geezer! 

He got a powerfist with 4 Jokearo Digital Lasers built into it. YIKES! 

He’s also got a mean ledger in his other hand to whallop you with, if you can’t explain your expense reports after getting back from a crusade. 

You have to respect the mohawk-mustache-goatee style. 

Again, 233 and a HALF points???

Source: http://www.belloflostsouls.net/2018/08/40k-loremaster-someone-has-to-do-guillimans-taxes-this-guy.html

“Old hammer is full of silly gems.”

Damn. Think I found the protagonist of my next 40K novel pitch. 

“Weapons. They’re weapons.”

“And that is an arm.”

“Which is very much a weapon.” The Sergeant gives it a look of distaste. “Buddy, you can’t begin to imagine the things I have done with this arm.”

Thor looks contemplatively at his drink. “I took up my hammer, Mjolnir, when I was but a brash youth. I admired only its strength and power, the ways in which it would enhance my skills in war. It was only later that I understood how those things are only the least of what Mjolnir can do. When I came into my own, I was offered my pick of the royal armoury in Asgard— many true weapons of legend lie there, some as old as hallowed Ygddrasil. I never felt the same kinship with another, though. Now that I have learned, I hope, from my past follies and weaknesses, even more do I deem Mjolnir greater than all the ancient artifacts of all the realms. A sword might slay the enemies of my people, ensure the safety of all that I love. But a hammer— a hammer can build.”

The sergeant frowns.

“And what is a hammer,” continues Thor, “to an arm?”

lonely houses off the road

‘There are no directions,’ Gatrog said with a laugh. ‘Not here.’ He gagged as Gardus caught him by the throat. ‘But we should definitely go that way,’ he gurgled, jerking his head to indicate a path.–Plague Garden